AFL round 2 this week

Here’s an easy guide to planning your weekend.

Friday

West Coast v Carlton (DS) 8:10pm (ALL AEST)

This game certainly deserves to be in Standard Definition. In fact shadow puppets would be just as good.

Carlton are not very good at football and West Coast have had so many injuries their backline has been declared a state of emergency.

How anyone looked at this and thought ‘lets put this on a Friday night’ is beyond me.

Mick’s media conference will see the highest ratings of the night, especially if they lose.

Saturday

Richmond v Bulldogs (MCG) 1:45pm

Two Victorian teams on the MCG at an almost traditional time, wonders never cease.

Richmond’s Operation False Hope got off to a bit of a shaky start last week but the bandwagon is now filling up.

Should I watch it or go to that wedding? — What and miss Tom Boyd go round?

You’re crazy; he’s one of the highest paid players in the league. Plus, you haven’t even organised a tux and someone else can cover the best man speech.

GWS v Melbourne (Startrack Oval) 2:10pm

Apparently, Melbourne has selection issues. I mustn’t have watch every excruciating moment of the last seven years then. Everything is fixed. If previous encounters of these two are anything to go by, this will be pretty error filled and boring. Perfect that it’s in Canberra then.

Collingwood v Adelaide (ES) 4:35pm

If you enjoy seeing one of these team’s expectations being cut down to size, you’ll love this. Apparently, Adelaide are going to win the Premiership and Collingwood are then going to pinch it from them. At least that’s the way I understand it.

Should I watch it or pluck up the courage to call that girl or guy? — I wouldn’t

call them. They could say no and then you’re all upset and embarrassed. Better to play it safe and hide from the world.

Gold Coast v St Kilda (MS) 7:20pm

It’s a pity Gary’s shoulder is in a bit of trouble after carrying this whole team for years. With only one arm he is now only better than 99 per cent of the players in the competition. The big question is can St Kilda travel to the Gold Coast and win? Probably not.

Port Adelaide v Sydney (AO) 7:40pm

Now this is worth watching. The Swans remembered how to play football last week. If only they’d done that during the first quarter of last year’s Grand Final. Port will be desperate to get their season on track and to sing their club song ‘Never tear us apart’ after the game.

Sunday

Geelong v Fremantle (SS) 1:10pm

Geelong didn’t play last week so will be eager to kick off the 2015 season. As for Fremantle, this is a very long road trip but any chance to see the sights of Geelong is a blessing. Their mayor has a funny haircut! Outrageous.

Essendon v Hawthorn (MCG) 3:20pm

These two teams love each other! Recent events have only strengthened the warmth and regard they hold each other in. In terms of football, this is what I would call an ‘uneven match up’. On the one hand you have a team at the peak of its powers and on the other you have a team that didn’t do a preseason.

North Melbourne v Brisbane (ES) 4:40pm

While extrapolating what happened in round one across the rest of the season fills columns, it’s rarely accurate. However, with North you never know. They’re just as likely to come out this week and show they could be top four finishers again. If you want see a North supporter freak out, just tell them that you think their season hangs on Jarrad Waite.